Honor

One of the ways that I am able to honor my in-laws is by helping them do things that are difficult for them to do on their own. This past weekend was the high school graduation of one of their grandchildren. Since we live in Northern California and this grandchild lives in Southern California, getting there for the ceremony would be a challenge for Mom and Dad. They initially decided that they would not attend. But I feel that being with those you love and who love you is important, so I encouraged them to go anyway. My father-in-law looked into flights and then asked me if I would help them. That was absolutely something I could do.

My helping consisted of accompanying them to the airport, dealing with some small amount of grumpiness, getting them settled on the plane, driving the rental car anywhere they needed to go and bringing them safely back home. It was a little way for me to show love and honor to them. Yes, I did get a trip out of it too. Yes, I did get to visit with my sister-in-law, brother-in-law and nieces. I also got to be a smiling, familiar face. I got to be a calming influence, I hope. And I got to receive from them just as much as I gave to them. It's what family is. It's what family does. I'm happy to do it.

Honor

I once heard someone say that if you don't feel like doing something, start acting as though you felt like it and eventually the feeling would come. That does sound good. But hard to put in to practice. I mean, face it, we do avoid doing things we don't want to do.

I didn't always feel like doing things with and for my in-laws. When my husband and I were dating and first married, my in-laws weren't sure about me. They weren't sure that I was the right one for their son. As the years have gone by - more than 30 of those years - they have become sure that I was, in fact, the right one for their son. But because of the tentativeness of our relationship, showing honor to my in-laws was a challenge. At first I was honoring them on the outside, but didn't always have my heart in it. I am happy to say, though, that I have gotten wiser as I have aged.

I have learned that every day with them is a gift. I have learned that we share a deep love for the man that they raised and I married. I have learned that we agree on many things, including how important it is to be involved in each others' lives. And I have learned to truly and deeply love each of them for who they are and what they bring to my life.

Now not only do I enjoy doing things with and for my in-laws, my heart swells with love when we see each other. I miss them when we are apart. And I am glad that they allow me to honor them.

My Dad

I am what most people would call a Daddy's girl. My dad was the first man I ever loved. I idolized him and worshipped him. Because of the Vietnam War, many years of my childhood were spent with my dad stationed far away from our family. But when my dad was home, I was sitting on his lap, listening to him sing to me. I thought he sounded just like Frank Sinatra. Or I was playing some game with him and my brothers. Baseball, football, tag, cards or board games. The neighbor kids used to knock on our door and ask if my dad could come out to play. He was an involved father, active and fun to be around. In his mind he was probably making up for the times when he wasn't there. But for me it made him much bigger than life. I thought he knew everything, could do anything and I loved him deeply.

I watched him with my mother. He seemed to adore her. They were one of the fewest couples I knew who would hug and kiss in public. In our home, they were very affecionate with each other. There was something about the way that my dad treated my mom that taught me that a marriage was commitment and worthwhile. I can only think of one time that my parents fought and it was such an experience for me, that even that one time shaped my life. It scared me and I believe that I do not fight with my husband now because of how scared I was then.

My dad isn't perfect. Not at all. He can lose his temper. He can say the most inappropriate things and the most inappropriate times. He often messes things up when he's trying to fix things. When we were preparing to move from the base housing on Mather AFB to the first house my parents ever owned in Elk Grove, my dad had to take out an in-window air conditioning unit and replace the window pane. Because of how he was doing it or just general ineptitude, he ended up having to buy 5 panes. That's how many times he broke the pane. He would go to set the glass into the opening of the window and it would fall out onto the ground and break. Four times. It was unbelievable. My brothers and I were laughing, but Dad was not amused. And he told us so with many colorful words. So I know that he is not a perfect person. But when I watched my dad deal with and interact with my mom in the last years and especially the last 3 months of her life, I gained more respect and admiration for him than I ever had before.

My mom became ill about 5 or 6 years before she died. Her kids didn't know the scope of her illness, but my dad did. Because of her illness, she could do less and go places less and her world became smaller. And my dad allowed his world to become smaller. He still would go fishing with a friend. He still would bowl with his bowling league. But the vacations and the day trips and the outings were put aside. He took over the cooking and the shopping. He would take her to the doctor. He had always loved to travel and the goal was that they would travel together. But mom just couldn't and so dad didn't.

I thought that this was all because they just stopped wanting to travel or because they couldn't afford it. But I found out that Dad deferred to what mom could do. I think that is the epitome of "in sickness and in health." My dad was a shining example of what a husband or wife should do as their spouse becomes less able to do things and get around. When my mom died, my dad took himself off on a little trip alone to sort things out in his head. He came back with perspective that life goes on and he believed that my mom would have wanted him to go on to do the things they always thought they'd be doing together. A little over a year after my mom's death, my dad remarried. His new wife is well suited to him. She shares his love of travel and going and doing. She's affectionate like my dad. They hug. They kiss in public. They are companionable and active. I think that God is rewarding my dad for having been so honorable and respectful, with a new opportunity. My dad still cries on my mom's birthday, their anniversary, the anniversary of her death. but they're tears of love and remembrance.

Today my dad is 74 years young. He has aches and pains, and recently had a scare with his heart. But he's still bigger than life to me and I still idolize him. I'm still a Daddy's girl.