It's a Dog's Life

Consider the life of the average family dog. Sure, there are shots at the vet, trips to the groomer and hours of loneliness while his "people" are away at work. But it is a pretty good life over all. Right now, for example, my dog is laying on a soft blanket at my feet. He has his food delivered to him each morning, he gets plenty of exercise and all the petting and scratching behind the ears he can take. In the winter, he lays under the covers and in the summer we make sure the temperature in the house is comfortable. He's got a bowl of water both inside and outside. He has a basket full of toys and when we accidentally drop food on the floor, it's all his.

The best part about being a dog is that there is freedom from care and concern about the issues of the day. I came home the other day, tired and keyed up. I was greeted by my dog. He was exurburant and genuinely thrilled to see me. He ran and got a toy from his basket and insisted that we play. There was no thought about tiredness or worry about any issue facing me. There was just joy and comradery. He said "You're home!!! I'm so thrilled to see you!! Now we will play and everything will be good!" A dog lives in the moment and any moment is a good moment if there is a toy to throw and a companion to throw it.

Come to think of it, that is a great life lesson.

Friends

I have really great friends. They make me laugh. They give me perspective. They love me. And Friday night, they were willing to shoot lasers at me. My husband and I went to laser tag with four other couples. They are all people that we consider to be our good friends. One in our group called it Spouse Wars. I called it Fun Friends Friday. Either way, we all had a blast (teehee) shooting at each other. It was the men against the women, shooting and laughing, chasing and being chased. The music was loud, there were strobe lights and I didn't want it to end. The men beat the women, but it was the most fun I've had in a long time.
After laser tag, we all went to Lemongrass for dinner. There was more laughing, more fun, more just enjoying one another. We ended being the last people to leave the restaurant.
Each couple is unique and each person in each couple is completely different. We have one couple in our group who have been married just a year, while my husband and I have been married more than thirty years. We have a stay-at-home mom and a working mom. We have empty nesters and new parents. We make different amounts of money. We come from different backgrounds and different life experiences. All of the wives respect their husbands and all of the husbands love their wives. We help one another and enjoy one another.

My Mom

Today is the day two years ago that my mother died. Another year. Another 365 days. Time has, as promised, healed some of the pain. I do have days when a fleeting thought or song will remind me of my mom and I will feel the emotion like new. But I can also talk about her and laugh about her without welling up with tears. I've spent time with all three of my brothers over the past year and we've talked about mom. I can let my memories flow and miss her, but I can also embrace those memories and let them remind me of who my mom was.

In the last year my dad has fallen in love and remarried. His wife is a wonderful woman who is sweet and understanding. She shares his love of family and traveling. She teases him and makes him smile. I will admit that seeing my dad remarry was hard for me. It was hard to see him stand with another woman at their wedding surrounded by her children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren and have a picture taken. He looked so odd in that group. But that was hard for me because I was thinking of my mom that day, not because I didn't want him to marry his new wife. I can see how happy he is and know that it was a good thing for him to do. I believe that it is a blessing for my dad to be married and to have someone who is watching out for him and taking care of him. One day, around Christmas, my dad and his wife came to dinner at my house. We were playing games afterward. We were having fun and laughing and laughing. We were laughing so hard, we were crying. It struck me that my dad was laughing so hard he was crying. That sound was like music to me. It made me so happy to see my dad being so happy.

My mom is gone, but not at all forgotten. Her life is honored as a wife by my dad's eagerness to remarry another good woman. Her life as a mother is honored by the lives of her children in the times that we gather and share memories of her. Some of our favorite foods are those that she taught us to love. Her life as a grandmother is honored by the lives of her grandchildren as they remember their "Grammie." We carry her in our hearts everywhere we go.

Life

I've heard it said that people can't hurt you without your permission. I do agree with that to a certain extent. People who cut in front of you at the grocery store or are rude on the phone should not be given permission to hurt you. You need to let that sort of thing roll off your back. Even a co-worker who is in a bad mood and snaps at you should be ignored as best you can.
But there are some people who will hurt you and there is nothing you can do about it, by virtue of the fact that you are close to them, love them and are in the kind of relationship that warrants hurt feelings when they do certain things. If a husband falls out of love with a wife, that hurts. If a daughter has no time for her parents, that hurts. If a dear, dear friend walks away, that hurts. And why do those things hurt? They hurt because when we enter into a close, loving relationship with someone, we allow people to hurt us. That is not a bad thing. We want close, loving relationships. We want dear, dear friends. If we didn't allow ourselves to be hurt by other people, then we would know that we were keeping people at arm's length. We would know that we weren't really close to people and that we didn't allow people to get close to us. When someone says that you should not give others permission to hurt you, what they're really saying is that they don't want to be close to others. They have chosen to keep others on a superficial level, never really letting anyone get too close because they don't want any pain.
God promises to wipe every tear, but He wipes them as they fall. He wipes them as we cry in pain. He intended that we would be relational. He wants us to be close to others, while knowing that sometimes relationships will make us cry.

Honor

One of the ways that I am able to honor my in-laws is by helping them do things that are difficult for them to do on their own. This past weekend was the high school graduation of one of their grandchildren. Since we live in Northern California and this grandchild lives in Southern California, getting there for the ceremony would be a challenge for Mom and Dad. They initially decided that they would not attend. But I feel that being with those you love and who love you is important, so I encouraged them to go anyway. My father-in-law looked into flights and then asked me if I would help them. That was absolutely something I could do.

My helping consisted of accompanying them to the airport, dealing with some small amount of grumpiness, getting them settled on the plane, driving the rental car anywhere they needed to go and bringing them safely back home. It was a little way for me to show love and honor to them. Yes, I did get a trip out of it too. Yes, I did get to visit with my sister-in-law, brother-in-law and nieces. I also got to be a smiling, familiar face. I got to be a calming influence, I hope. And I got to receive from them just as much as I gave to them. It's what family is. It's what family does. I'm happy to do it.

Honor

I once heard someone say that if you don't feel like doing something, start acting as though you felt like it and eventually the feeling would come. That does sound good. But hard to put in to practice. I mean, face it, we do avoid doing things we don't want to do.

I didn't always feel like doing things with and for my in-laws. When my husband and I were dating and first married, my in-laws weren't sure about me. They weren't sure that I was the right one for their son. As the years have gone by - more than 30 of those years - they have become sure that I was, in fact, the right one for their son. But because of the tentativeness of our relationship, showing honor to my in-laws was a challenge. At first I was honoring them on the outside, but didn't always have my heart in it. I am happy to say, though, that I have gotten wiser as I have aged.

I have learned that every day with them is a gift. I have learned that we share a deep love for the man that they raised and I married. I have learned that we agree on many things, including how important it is to be involved in each others' lives. And I have learned to truly and deeply love each of them for who they are and what they bring to my life.

Now not only do I enjoy doing things with and for my in-laws, my heart swells with love when we see each other. I miss them when we are apart. And I am glad that they allow me to honor them.

More Evolution

There is much in my mind and my heart tonight. I've written many of those thoughts here only to hit the backspace button and erase them. I am sad but don't want to be petty. I don't want to make anybody look bad or impugn them. I don't want to bring shame on God because of the actions of His people by pointing out those actions. I am angry but don't want to be vindictive. I am burdened with pain, but know that I have caused pain to others so don't know how to express that pain, even in my blog, without thinking that the pain I have caused is worse. Am I really going through a personal evolution if I can't even admit my pain to my blog?

I try to look at the bright side of things. I don't see a bright side right now. Maybe there isn't one. It's an internal argument I have with myself often. "Look for the positive." "There doesn't appear to be a positive." "Then look harder." "I am looking harder!" "You can't be if you don't see it!"

Knowing that I have been cut off from some people that I love feels so bleak that there is no way there could be a bright side. Knowing that the reason for being cut off is unnecessary makes it feel so hopeless. Those are my thoughts right now, thoughts of bleakness and hopelessness.

I feel a weight and a burden that I know only God can lift. I haven't always been great at letting God take my burdens. I keep hanging on to them or taking them back. I know that I am promised relief. Things are working in the background. I won't know all of those workings until the light is shone in the darkness. Days are lost and time goes by. Time that seems to be lost forever. God promises to give it all back. I'll choose to believe in that promise. Lord, help me in my unbelief.