Moms and Kids

John Mayer sings a song that goes like this:

Fathers be good to your daughters for daughters will love like you do.

Girls become mothers who turn into lovers, so mothers be good to your daughters too.

There's a lot of wisdom in that little refrain. I have a corollary to it.

Mothers be careful what you say because your children are always listening.

I know, it doesn't rhyme as well as John's little ditty. But it's just as important. Whether you work in the home or outside the home, have a full-time job or a part-time job, you are vital to how your children will think about many things and how they show the world what they think. You are the first teacher your children will have. When they are young, they think you are wise and all-knowing. They pick up your habits, good or bad. They want to be just like you. So be careful what you teach.

If your husband works hard and has to come home late, the way that you react to the news will be transferred to your children. When he walks in the door, if you say "I'm so glad you're home. Thank you for working so hard." your kids will have the same attitude. But if you complain and greet him with "Well, you're finally home!! Do you realize I've been stuck with the kids all day!! You're never here when I need you!" then the kids will have the idea that their dads are jerks who are never around when you need them. If, however, you explain to your children that their dad works hard because he loves them very much and wants to provide for his family, they catch that. You have the ability to set the tone for how they see their dad and his job. They won't think of the missed events or times he may have been late. They will think of how respect they have for a man who works hard to keep his family provided for. Having a general attitude of respect for the father of your children is important. I've heard moms call their husbands idiots or worthless, in front of the children. After a while of hearing that, the kids start calling their dads idiots or worthless. Little girls living in that kind of environment will believe that that is how they are to see men. And little boys living in that kind of environment will believe that that is what they are.

Now, if your husband has a problem keeping a balance between work and home, that does need to be addressed. Don't get me wrong. But that discussion needs to take place away from the children, in private. Don't let that conversation be one that takes place in front of the children. They are not mature enough to handle it. Work on your relationship, absolutely. But do it appropriately. Get counseling. Find another couple to talk to. Seek out a pastor or spiritual advisor.

Your children also pick up on what you think of others. If you harp about other drivers when you're out running errands, then other people will be seen as inconvenient and less important than they are. If you talk about a store clerk in a disparaging way, then clerks become lower class citizens. But if you are understanding and forgiving, that is what your children will be toward others. And if something happens that really is unexplained and annoying, then keep it to yourself. Share it with a friend later. But don't give your children a picture of other people that they don't have the discernment for.

The lessons that we have to teach our children are endless. Some of the time we teach those lessons with great purpose and precision. And some of the time we teach lessons without thinking or realizing what we're doing. Think and consider what you're doing. Listen to your children when they don't know you're listening. A wise mother knows her own children. Know your children, but also know where they're learning their lessons.