Things to Remember

I like cheap cooking wine just fine. No need to buy the expensive stuff.
After 30 years of marriage, my favorite place to go on a date with my husband is home.
After a year of telling him no, my dog will still steal my socks if given the chance.
No matter how small your purse is, you should always carry a safety pin.
People come to see me rather than the state of my house, but to make people feel more comfortable, I should keep my house clean and tidy.
Other people have good ideas too.
Always tell the people that you love that you love them. You never know when it will be the last opportunity.
It's easier to keep up than to catch up.
You don't really know how long you're going to live, so take good care of yourself in case it's a really long time.
Paying your taxes, working hard and being a solid member of the community IS giving back.
Fostering a good relationship with my in-laws was one of my better ideas.
Really listen to people. There's a lot behind their words.
Play with the dog; you'll both be glad you did.

Saturday Walk

In the last 13 days, we've had rain 11 of them. That's a lot for Northern California, where the average yearly total is less than 20 inches. We get most of our rain in January. By April we will have little to no rain until November or December. Now a rainy day is like heaven to me. I love rain: the sound of it, the feel of it, the way the house feels when it's raining outside. I love everything about rain, so the past 13 days have been wonderful. I've been enjoying it immensely. And one of the things I love the most about a string of rainy days is what happened this morning.

After a sleepless night, I got up at 6:30 am. My little dog got up with me and we sat in the big round chair for awhile, reading the newspapaer (me) and getting petted (him). When it got light outside, I got dressed and hitched Willie up to his leash and we went out for a nice, long walk. As I stepped outside I could feel something wonderful. The air was so clean and so fresh smelling, a smell that could only be brought on by a long cleansing rain. The sky was the famous deep blue that so many people live here for. The temperature was perfect for a walk, upper 40s with the taste of a breeze. The streets and sidealks were wet and when Willie sniffed the grass, he came up with a wet face. The freshness of the day, the quiet of the morning and the smell of the air are why I love the rain so much. We only get that after it has rained long enough to really clean things up.

I've lived here for 37 years. I've wanted to live elsewhere, where there are more than two seasons and the average rainfall is more than 20 inches per year. I miss the rain from April to November. But this morning, it was the perfect start of a day in Northern California.

Moms and Kids

John Mayer sings a song that goes like this:

Fathers be good to your daughters for daughters will love like you do.

Girls become mothers who turn into lovers, so mothers be good to your daughters too.

There's a lot of wisdom in that little refrain. I have a corollary to it.

Mothers be careful what you say because your children are always listening.

I know, it doesn't rhyme as well as John's little ditty. But it's just as important. Whether you work in the home or outside the home, have a full-time job or a part-time job, you are vital to how your children will think about many things and how they show the world what they think. You are the first teacher your children will have. When they are young, they think you are wise and all-knowing. They pick up your habits, good or bad. They want to be just like you. So be careful what you teach.

If your husband works hard and has to come home late, the way that you react to the news will be transferred to your children. When he walks in the door, if you say "I'm so glad you're home. Thank you for working so hard." your kids will have the same attitude. But if you complain and greet him with "Well, you're finally home!! Do you realize I've been stuck with the kids all day!! You're never here when I need you!" then the kids will have the idea that their dads are jerks who are never around when you need them. If, however, you explain to your children that their dad works hard because he loves them very much and wants to provide for his family, they catch that. You have the ability to set the tone for how they see their dad and his job. They won't think of the missed events or times he may have been late. They will think of how respect they have for a man who works hard to keep his family provided for. Having a general attitude of respect for the father of your children is important. I've heard moms call their husbands idiots or worthless, in front of the children. After a while of hearing that, the kids start calling their dads idiots or worthless. Little girls living in that kind of environment will believe that that is how they are to see men. And little boys living in that kind of environment will believe that that is what they are.

Now, if your husband has a problem keeping a balance between work and home, that does need to be addressed. Don't get me wrong. But that discussion needs to take place away from the children, in private. Don't let that conversation be one that takes place in front of the children. They are not mature enough to handle it. Work on your relationship, absolutely. But do it appropriately. Get counseling. Find another couple to talk to. Seek out a pastor or spiritual advisor.

Your children also pick up on what you think of others. If you harp about other drivers when you're out running errands, then other people will be seen as inconvenient and less important than they are. If you talk about a store clerk in a disparaging way, then clerks become lower class citizens. But if you are understanding and forgiving, that is what your children will be toward others. And if something happens that really is unexplained and annoying, then keep it to yourself. Share it with a friend later. But don't give your children a picture of other people that they don't have the discernment for.

The lessons that we have to teach our children are endless. Some of the time we teach those lessons with great purpose and precision. And some of the time we teach lessons without thinking or realizing what we're doing. Think and consider what you're doing. Listen to your children when they don't know you're listening. A wise mother knows her own children. Know your children, but also know where they're learning their lessons.

People are Funny

I was in a Walmart yesterday and the cashier's name was Dorothy. After I asked, she admitted that, yes she once did have a little black dog named Toto.

On New Year's Eve I was flying home from Tampa, Florida. On the plane was a woman who turned 100 years old that day and she said that it was her first ever airplane ride. I wonder, what took her so long? When she was in her 80s, did she realize "I've never been on a plane. I'll just hang back and wait till I turn 100 and then go for it?"

The library where I work is closed for remodeling. We have a HUGE sign on the front door explaining that we're closed and will reopen in about a month. Daily, we have someone come up to the door, try to open it and then pound on the sign to be let in.

My Dad

I am what most people would call a Daddy's girl. My dad was the first man I ever loved. I idolized him and worshipped him. Because of the Vietnam War, many years of my childhood were spent with my dad stationed far away from our family. But when my dad was home, I was sitting on his lap, listening to him sing to me. I thought he sounded just like Frank Sinatra. Or I was playing some game with him and my brothers. Baseball, football, tag, cards or board games. The neighbor kids used to knock on our door and ask if my dad could come out to play. He was an involved father, active and fun to be around. In his mind he was probably making up for the times when he wasn't there. But for me it made him much bigger than life. I thought he knew everything, could do anything and I loved him deeply.

I watched him with my mother. He seemed to adore her. They were one of the fewest couples I knew who would hug and kiss in public. In our home, they were very affecionate with each other. There was something about the way that my dad treated my mom that taught me that a marriage was commitment and worthwhile. I can only think of one time that my parents fought and it was such an experience for me, that even that one time shaped my life. It scared me and I believe that I do not fight with my husband now because of how scared I was then.

My dad isn't perfect. Not at all. He can lose his temper. He can say the most inappropriate things and the most inappropriate times. He often messes things up when he's trying to fix things. When we were preparing to move from the base housing on Mather AFB to the first house my parents ever owned in Elk Grove, my dad had to take out an in-window air conditioning unit and replace the window pane. Because of how he was doing it or just general ineptitude, he ended up having to buy 5 panes. That's how many times he broke the pane. He would go to set the glass into the opening of the window and it would fall out onto the ground and break. Four times. It was unbelievable. My brothers and I were laughing, but Dad was not amused. And he told us so with many colorful words. So I know that he is not a perfect person. But when I watched my dad deal with and interact with my mom in the last years and especially the last 3 months of her life, I gained more respect and admiration for him than I ever had before.

My mom became ill about 5 or 6 years before she died. Her kids didn't know the scope of her illness, but my dad did. Because of her illness, she could do less and go places less and her world became smaller. And my dad allowed his world to become smaller. He still would go fishing with a friend. He still would bowl with his bowling league. But the vacations and the day trips and the outings were put aside. He took over the cooking and the shopping. He would take her to the doctor. He had always loved to travel and the goal was that they would travel together. But mom just couldn't and so dad didn't.

I thought that this was all because they just stopped wanting to travel or because they couldn't afford it. But I found out that Dad deferred to what mom could do. I think that is the epitome of "in sickness and in health." My dad was a shining example of what a husband or wife should do as their spouse becomes less able to do things and get around. When my mom died, my dad took himself off on a little trip alone to sort things out in his head. He came back with perspective that life goes on and he believed that my mom would have wanted him to go on to do the things they always thought they'd be doing together. A little over a year after my mom's death, my dad remarried. His new wife is well suited to him. She shares his love of travel and going and doing. She's affectionate like my dad. They hug. They kiss in public. They are companionable and active. I think that God is rewarding my dad for having been so honorable and respectful, with a new opportunity. My dad still cries on my mom's birthday, their anniversary, the anniversary of her death. but they're tears of love and remembrance.

Today my dad is 74 years young. He has aches and pains, and recently had a scare with his heart. But he's still bigger than life to me and I still idolize him. I'm still a Daddy's girl.

New Year's Day 2010

I love New Year's Day. It is my favorite day of the year. I know, Christmas, my birthday, my wedding anniversary all ought to come in as favorites over January 1. Those other days are great, there's no doubt. But January 1 is the one day of the year that, to me, has the most emotion and purpose.

I love to get up in the morning, after having celebrated the start of the new year, and start getting things done. I take down the Christmas decorations and clean the house top to bottom. Many people do spring cleaning. I do new year cleaning. I make soup and get the laundry done. I find places for the presents that we got on Christmas. I bring order and calmness after the whirlwind of the holiday season. I look forward to these activities every year. It's my way of restoring normalcy.

January 1 is when I look at the year that's just passed. I think about things that I've done to others. I think about things that others have done to me. I put the memories in their places. The good memories and the bad are tucked away. Some are to be captured for all time. Some are to be used as proof that there is good in the world. Some are there just to make me smile. Some are to teach me what I need to learn. Some are to be looked at and then forgiveness extended. I cry and I laugh and I feel the warmth.

More than that though, I look ahead to the year stretched out before me. I make resolutions that I often keep, but not always. I give myself permission to let some of the resolutions go. I evaluate who I am and what I have done and what I want to do. I'm not a person who makes goals for myself. But I do want every year to be a better one, both in how I treat others and in how others see me. I want to be a better person. I want to let God do His work in me and take the changes He wants to make with grace. I want to see people through his eyes. I want to find more things about myself that I like and fewer things that I don't.

It's the one day of the year that I am most reflective about the future. Can I be more helpful? More giving? Can I express myself better? Can I let the people that I love know that I love them so that they really understand?

Now, I know that people can do that sort of thing any day of the year. January 1 is the day that I set aside to do it. The time feels right. There's no job to go to. The visitors are gone. I purposefully make no plans for that one day so that the day is all mine. We all have heard "Today is the first day of the rest of your life." That works for any day of your life. For my life, I've chosen New Year's Day as the day to reflect and evaluate. Happy 2010!!