Personal Evolution

When I was a young girl, and into my 20s, I rarely gave my opinion about things, especially when in a group of people. This was partly because I felt that my mother disapproved of her children drawing undo attention to themselves. We were not to be flamboyant or controversial. But mainly because I felt that if I couldn't articulate myself clearly and completely, then I didn't want to mess things up or look like an idiot. I thought about things a lot and I did have opinions, but I didn't have enough confidence in myself to really express myself. Looking back, I think it made me look like I had no personality.

In my 30s and 40s, I became more willing to share my thoughts. I learned that people didn't really care that much what I thought, that conversation sometimes was done just for conversation's sake and that "controversial" wasn't the horror that I had once thought. I also became pretty uptight about some of my opinions. I was rigid and saw things in black and white, knowing of course that there were other ways to look at things than the way I did, but felt that my way was the right way. This made me appear to have a strait-laced personality.

Now that I'm in my 50s, I've been completely rethinking so many things that I have come to a new stage. I can see the need to knowing what you believe and why, but also see that an opinion is just that, an opinion. People are more important than what you think of them and love and acceptance go a long way. I'm allowing myself to be more flexible. I am wrestling with myself on some of my opinions, but I feel that I have a more relaxed personality. I like this better.