When Tom and I were first married, I couldn't cook a thing. Well, that's not true. I could boil a hot dog. But that was just about all I could cook without messing it up. We were working different shifts. I worked days, 8 - 5. Tom worked evenings, 4 - 12 or later. We didn't eat dinner together very often. Most of the time I would fix a sandwich for myself. It was easy and within the bounds of my capabilities. After we had our kids, Tom went back to school and our schedules were pretty equal. Because I still couldn't cook, Tom would take over that task everyday, while I would deal with the kids. He had several things he made well and we were happy with the division of labor. Then, after we had been married for 10 years, I lost my job and we decided that I would stay at home full-time with the kids. Well, it didn't seem right to me to have Tom work all day and then come home and cook, so I decided that I would teach myself to cook. At first, I just followed simple recipes, sometimes having to look up cooking terms in the dictionary because I didn't know what to do! Gradually I started getting better at it and began to experiment. I would take a cookbook and make as many things in it as I thought we would like. I would make notes of how it turned out and how I might want to change things if I made it again. I set a goal for myself to make something different every day of the month. I enjoyed the challenge and was pleased when things turned out. Of course, that didn't always happen. I have made plenty of flops. But the flops became fewer and farther between. It was satisfying and gratifying.
A few years ago, my mom had an accident and lingered for three months before dying from injuries caused by that accident. During that time, I was at the hospital every day. As a way of being supportive, Tom took over the cooking. His help was a godsend and I'm so grateful for the way he knew what to do to be helpful. Then Tom because aware that for health reasons, he needed to change his diet and make it gluten-free. Since he was experimenting with foods, he kept up with the cooking. He started creating his own recipes and figured out how to alter some of our favorites. Because of some other things going on in our lives, he found that cooking became a kind of therapy for him. His cooking style is very different than my own. While I tend to follow recipes, only changing them after I've tried them at least once, Tom will just experiment. He rarely makes anything the same way twice. He uses fresh herbs and lots of different flavors. Gradually I let go of even going out into the kitchen to see if he needed any help. He doesn't!!! He is a really good cook. We've adapted and changed our roles just a little bit. I was happy to take on the cooking when we needed me to do it. And now Tom is happy to do the cooking because he needs to do it. We both win! And right now he's in the kitchen making his delicious Pad Thai. Definitely a win!!
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